Definitely not my style of music, but I'll give it a shot.
Honestly, the instrumentation is superior to most of the tripe I hear on the radio these days. If that's where you're headed, I'd say you definitely have the chops to do so, and not be one of those forgettable producers.
It is as has been said already, the lyrics need work. It almost works, but they do sound too similar to other songs, and the words themselves are inconsistent in tone.
For example, the first line 'I am the light which seeks to illuminate the sickness infecting our reprabates' is incredibly flowery, while the line 'There's more to life, don't waste your designation' is a bit too blunt by comparison. I know personally how hard it can be to write good lyrics, and I suppose the only thing I can say is keep trying.
You've got a good rhythm and a solid foundation. Where you go from here will define your future as a musician. I wish the best for you.